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Most things in life are a question of negotiation. Lolita is a woman, that was not to be negotiated. What needed to be negotiated was how she was perceived by those around her. And that negotiation was one that took time and effort. First there were family and friends, who mocked her throughout childhood and adolescence for not being a typical male. Her father wanted her to be a soldier, just like him. He enrolled her in boarding school, in order to make her the army man he thought she should have been. To Lolita, boarding school seemed the solution to her father's verbal and physical abuse. It turned out the gateway to a different kind of abuse. She first got raped by seniors in 8th grade, and the following year, when sexual assault became more prevalent, she began taking non-prescribed birth control tablets. The second bit of negotiation Lolita faced was with health. Convinced by a friend, she began taking female hormones in high school, in hope of developing a more feminine appearance. But heavy hormone intake takes a massive toll on mood and general wellbeing. It also cuts transgender people's life expectancy dramatically short. The only option is sex reassignment surgery: becoming a woman means gradually reducing the hormones intake to zero and extending significantly life expectation. The final negotiation was with men. Many of the guys she asked said they wouldn’t like her without her penis. The penis is a valuable sexual fetish; it’s what makes a lady boy desirable in the eyes of the hustler. Losing it would not only be incredibly expensive right away – surgery costs up to 5,000 euros – but also incredibly damaging in the medium term. That is, if prostitution is what you plan as your source of income. She became a woman on February 1st, 2017: she entered a well-known clinic in Thailand, and traded a useless part of herself for a chance to a life that fits her. With the support of her ex-boyfriend, who helped her financially, she did what she wanted and she's happy with it. She feels much better, having to take only two hormones pills per night and planning to stop completely after her next planned operation. She feels more like herself, being able to dress how she feels, even wear a bikini and being looked at as the real woman she feels she is. She can see herself in the future, with her ideas of opening a restaurant and find a way to help children who face the same identity challenge she faced. Because identity has never been the issue, for Lolita. It was for those around her. The issue was negotiating a vital space in which to shine and build a life as beautiful as she feels. And being the strong woman that she is, she did it. For herself and for all those she'll be able to share her experience with. Here: Kritchaya “Lolita” Boonhor experiences a nervous breakdown after shower due to the effect of hormonal changes, in Bangkok, Thailand, 29 November 2017. (Photo by Lola Levan/EPA/EFE)
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