Peter Ver Ploeg carries Virginia Petrovek through the mud pit during the North American Wife Carrying Championship, Saturday, October 8, 2016, at the Sunday River Ski Resort in Newry, Maine. (Photo by Robert F. Bukaty/AP Photo)
“Why do you keep blowing the trumpet, young man?
You'd better lie in a coffin, young man!”
On that life-affirming note, let me congratulate you (yes, it's been a tough year, and the next one will be even tougher better). Happy New Year! And now disco.