A woman eats candy in the shape of a phallus during the Kanamara Matsuri, or Iron Phallus Festival through a street near the Kanamara shrine in Kawasaki outside of Tokyo April 5, 2015. The festival celebrates fertility and is used to raise awareness and money for the prevention of sexually transmitted diseases. (Photo by Thomas Peter/Reuters)
“Why do you keep blowing the trumpet, young man?
You'd better lie in a coffin, young man!”
On that life-affirming note, let me congratulate you (yes, it's been a tough year, and the next one will be even tougher better). Happy New Year! And now disco.